The Empire of Goblin 9 is a titanic, pleasant nation, remarkable for its ban on automobiles, smutty television, and hatred of cheese. The hard-nosed, humorless population of 12.071 billion Goblin 9ians are highly moralistic and fiercely conservative, in the sense that they tend to believe most things should be outlawed. People who have good jobs and work quietly at them are lauded; others are viewed with suspicion.

The large government juggles the competing demands of Education, Law & Order, and Healthcare. The average income tax rate is 47.2%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The Goblin 9ian economy, worth 531 trillion bitcoins a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a large, well-organized black market in Furniture Restoration, Woodchip Exports, Uranium Mining, and Arms Manufacturing. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is 44,013 bitcoins, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.0 times as much as the poorest.

People accuse the government of being in bed with Big Safety, EULAs remind customers that "Private Mode" is a browser setting rather than a promise, it is not politically correct to suspect that a serially convicted burglar might steal again, and a major religion has been named as Goblin 9's national religion. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Goblin 9's national animal is the bison, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Goblin 9 is ranked 95,656^th in the world and 10^th in Gobbotopia for Largest Pizza Delivery Sector, scoring 2,127.48 on the Pepperoni Propulsion Productivity Index.