The Zurich President of Eyster is a gargantuan, cultured nation, renowned for its smutty television, public floggings, and sprawling nuclear power plants. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic, devout population of 45.652 billion Eysterians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The enormous government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Environment. The average income tax rate is 77.9%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Eysterian economy, worth a remarkable 4,442 trillion Eyster-dollars a year, is quite specialized and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Retail, Book Publishing, and Cheese Exports. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is 97,316 Eyster-dollars, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

New government leaflets tell coeliac children to eat more crisps, the police use sound cannons and mortars to deal with loud parties, military equipment stores have a tendency to go up in flames, and the best way to be heard in politics is to speak softly and carry a big comedy prop. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force. Eyster's national animal is the cat, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Eyster is ranked 21,062^nd in the world and 2^nd in Zurich for Longest Average Lifespans, with 90.44 years.