The Republic of Essendon FC is a colossal, safe nation, remarkable for its keen interest in outer space, compulsory military service, and punitive income tax rates. The compassionate, devout population of 4.058 billion Essendon FCians are prohibited from doing almost everything except voting, which they do timidly and conservatively.

The enormous, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Education. The average income tax rate is 66.2%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The Essendon FCian economy, worth 192 trillion Dollars a year, is quite specialized and mostly made up of the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Door-to-door Insurance Sales, and Woodchip Exports. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 47,273 Dollars, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Construction workers evacuate work sites after finding sharp rocks on the ground, arms manufacturing has been put at an arm's length, legislators work 24/7 due to an influx of single-issue bills, and if you go into the woods today you're sure of a big surprise. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Essendon FC's national animal is the Bombers, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Essendon FC is ranked 27,106^th in the world and 3^rd in AFL for Nicest Citizens, with 20.7 average smiles per day.