The Dictatorship of Dolphin Thing is a huge, orderly nation, notable for its ban on automobiles, irreverence towards religion, and complete absence of social welfare. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical population of 598 million Dolphin Thingians are rabid consumers, partly through choice and partly because the government tells them to and dissenters tend to vanish from their homes at night.

The tiny government is primarily concerned with Defense, although Law & Order, Education, and Public Transport are also considered important, while International Aid and Spirituality receive no funds. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 7.4%.

The very strong Dolphin Thingian economy, worth 40.6 trillion Blue Rubber Dolphin shower caps a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Beef-Based Agriculture industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Woodchip Exports, and Uranium Mining. Average income is 67,821 Blue Rubber Dolphin shower caps, with the richest citizens earning 9.8 times as much as the poorest.

Violently opinionated speakers can be heard preaching their hateful views on every street corner, bombs are permitted on planes for the 'security of the passengers', cars have been banned, and in-cite-ment never happens at tea parties. Crime is a problem, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. Dolphin Thing's national animal is the Blue Rubber Dolphin, which frolics freely in the nation's sparkling oceans.

Dolphin Thing is ranked 253,006^th in the world and 159^th in kingdom of Greater Esteriae for Nicest Citizens, with 6.84 average smiles per day.