The Crown Colony of Dire Straits Settlements is a colossal, cultured nation, ruled by His Excellency the Governor with an even hand, and notable for its museums and concert halls, barren, inhospitable landscape, and infamous sell-swords. The hard-nosed, hard-working, devout population of 2.859 billion Dire Straits Settlements denizens are highly moralistic and fiercely conservative, in the sense that they tend to believe most things should be outlawed. People who have good jobs and work quietly at them are lauded; others are viewed with suspicion.

The relatively small, corrupt, moralistic government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Industry, and Spirituality. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Singapore. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 24.5%.

The frighteningly efficient Dire Straits economy, worth 309 trillion straits dollars a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Retail, Uranium Mining, and Book Publishing. Average income is an impressive 108,040 straits dollars, with the richest citizens earning 5.6 times as much as the poorest.

The navy plans patrols according to how many pubs nearby ports have, going on a diet invalidates your passport, the government's new "quiet competence" initiative has supporters and detractors alike reeling in confusion, and pocket dialling is a criminal offence. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Dire Straits Settlements's national animal is the lion, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Church of the Province of SE Asia.

Dire Straits Settlements is ranked 153,346^th in the world and 10^th in ASEAN for Smartest Citizens, with 29.48 quips per hour.