The Patroonship of Coeymans is a colossal, orderly nation, ruled by The Patroon with an iron fist, and notable for its parental licensing program, frequent executions, and suspicion of poets. The cynical, devout population of 3.063 billion Coeymansians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Ravena. The average income tax rate is 43.0%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The Coeymansian economy, worth 228 trillion Barents a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a large, well-organized black market in Arms Manufacturing, Tourism, Information Technology, and Woodchip Exports. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is 74,452 Barents, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Sick Coeymansians are hair today and gone tomorrow, elementary school students are required to master Bach's Chaconne in D before graduation, legislators toe the party line lest the Sergeant-at-Arms decide to conduct "truncheon practice" on the backbench, and funding for education has been redirected into the military. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Coeymans's national animal is the Beaver.

Coeymans is ranked 97,964^th in the world and 10^th in Upstate for Most Extensive Public Healthcare, scoring 1,868.98 on the Theresa-Nightingale Rating.