The Private Stash of Cocaine is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by The Drug Lord with an even hand, and remarkable for its museums and concert halls, infamous sell-swords, and public floggings. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cheerful population of 30.825 billion Cocaineans are either ruled by a sleek, efficient government or a conglomerate of multinational corporations; it's difficult to tell which.

The relatively small, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Education, Industry, and Defense. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Medellin. The average income tax rate is 97.2%.

The frighteningly efficient Cocainean economy, worth an astonishing 22,188 trillion ounces a year, is broadly diversified and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Information Technology, Arms Manufacturing, Book Publishing, and Retail. Average income is a breathtaking 719,835 ounces, but there is a large disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 2,741,383 per year while the poor average 130,915, a ratio of 20.9 to 1.

Town nameplates frequently raise giggles from passing tourists, students are known to arrive at school in their pyjamas, fur coats have become the latest fashion trend, and abortions are routinely performed in the nation's hospitals. Crime, especially youth-related, is so common that it is unusual to encounter someone following the law, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Cocaine's national animal is the artic fox, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Cocaine.

Cocaine is ranked 4,829^th in the world and 1^st in Cocaine for Most Eco-Friendly Governments, scoring 8,453.75 on the Dolphin Recycling Awareness Index.