The Colony of Cheats is a very large, efficient nation, renowned for its rum-swilling pirates, parental licensing program, and public floggings. The compassionate, hard-working, devout population of 444 million Cheatsians are highly moralistic and fiercely conservative, in the sense that they tend to believe most things should be outlawed. People who have good jobs and work quietly at them are lauded; others are viewed with suspicion.

The large, moralistic government prioritizes Spirituality, although Healthcare, Law & Order, and Industry are also considered important, while Environment and International Aid receive no funds. The average income tax rate is 37.2%.

The thriving Cheatsian economy, worth 22.8 trillion Diamonds a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Cheese Exports industry, with significant contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Pizza Delivery, and Book Publishing. Black market activity is notable. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 51,263 Diamonds, with the richest citizens earning 5.2 times as much as the poorest.

Couples kissing on the street are detained for 'unlawful exchange of genetic material', many of the unemployed have had the fight taken out of them, it is mandatory to learn evolution in schools, and the government forces Cheatsians to eat their vegetables. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force. Cheats's national animal is the Zombie, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Cheats is ranked 258,743^rd in the world and 8^th in IxCraft for Highest Food Quality, scoring 9.28 on the Meeshlin-Starr Index.