The Constitutional Crabery of Captain Krabs is a titanic, cultured nation, ruled by Squidward with an iron fist, and renowned for its closed borders, ubiquitous missile silos, and stringent health and safety legislation. The hard-nosed, cynical, devout population of 13.539 billion Captain Krabsians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The large, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Krabsville. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 73.9%.

The frighteningly efficient Captain Krabsian economy, worth a remarkable 2,077 trillion Brains a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a large, well-organized, broadly diversified black market in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, Furniture Restoration, and Woodchip Exports. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an impressive 153,441 Brains, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 502,376 per year while the poor average 35,200, a ratio of 14.3 to 1.

First-time jaywalkers are also last-time jaywalkers, the existence of external reality is tacitly denied, down payment blues in foreign nations are a thing of the past, and the ego of former emperors tend to match their stature. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Captain Krabs's national animal is the Octopus, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to heavy metals seepage into national waterways, and its national religion is Prawnism.

Captain Krabs is ranked 76,502^nd in the world and 7^th in Doll Guldur for Most Eco-Friendly Governments, scoring 1,307.79 on the Dolphin Recycling Awareness Index.