The Unholy Terrors of Captain Bones is a titanic, efficient nation, ruled by Pirate Pete with an iron fist, and remarkable for its enslaved workforce, punitive income tax rates, and stringent health and safety legislation. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 19.194 billion Captain Bonesians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Administration, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Crossbones. The average income tax rate is 73.4%.

The frighteningly efficient Captain Bonesian economy, worth a remarkable 5,463 trillion Gold Doubloons a year, is mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, Woodchip Exports, and Uranium Mining. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 284,658 Gold Doubloons, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 4.5 times as much as the poorest.

The government subsidizes those who produce the worst results, foreign entanglements are getting spicy, homosexuality has been banned to prevent the spread of homosexuality, and children are shocked to find out that books don't scroll. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Captain Bones's national animal is the Cow, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Pillagianism.

Captain Bones is ranked 229,427^th in the world and 8^th in Doll Guldur for Largest Welfare Programs, scoring 708.72 on the Safety Net Mesh Density Rating.