The United States of Capitalist Weasels is a very large, orderly nation, notable for its keen interest in outer space, complete lack of prisons, and spontaneously combusting cars. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 317 million Capitalist Weasels are ruled with an iron fist by the corrupt, dictatorship government, which oppresses anyone who isn't on the board of a Fortune 500 company. Large corporations tend to be above the law, and use their financial clout to gain ever-increasing government benefits at the expense of the poor and unemployed.

The tiny, corrupt, moralistic, pro-business, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Industry, Defense, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of The House of Paranoia. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 5.0%.

The frighteningly efficient Capitalist Weasel economy, worth 35.3 trillion Silver Dollars a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Retail industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Gambling, and Information Technology. Average income is an impressive 111,324 Silver Dollars, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 952,375 per year while the poor average 2,252, a ratio of 422 to 1.

Attempted suicide is punishable by public hanging, the invisible hand of the market wipes babies' bottoms, policies are debated via video essays and tier lists, and the Great Capitalist Weasel Desert is reputedly the most uninhabitable place in the region. Crime is a problem, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Capitalist Weasels's national animal is the Vulture, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution.

Capitalist Weasels is ranked 9,097^th in the world and 36^th in Concord for Largest Insurance Industry, scoring 5,931.3 on the Risk Expulsion Effectiveness Rating.