The High Athelingric of Cainitium is a mammoth, genial nation, ruled by Asher Wiley with an iron fist, and remarkable for its smutty television, parental licensing program, and frequent executions. The compassionate, cynical, humorless, devout population of 8.173 billion Cainitiumians are ruled with an iron fist by the dictatorship government, which ensures that no-one outside the party gets too rich. In their personal lives, however, citizens are relatively unoppressed; it remains to be seen whether this is because the government genuinely cares about its people, or if it hasn't gotten around to stamping out civil rights yet.

The medium-sized, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Osearwynn. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 72.9%.

The frighteningly efficient Cainitiumian economy, worth a remarkable 1,291 trillion pounds a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a large, well-organized, fairly diversified black market in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, Beef-Based Agriculture, and Woodchip Exports. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an impressive 158,080 pounds, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 555,635 per year while the poor average 32,594, a ratio of 17.0 to 1.

Nobody is allowed to stop the local daycare from reading Nietzsche to pre-schoolers, there's nothing more Cainitiumian than revanchism, exiles see that the line where the sky meets the sea is just clouds and rain, and shoving people into lockers qualifies you for a ministerial position. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Cainitium's national animal is the snow leopard, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Adoptionism.

Cainitium is ranked 110,362^nd in the world and 1^st in Cainitium for Safest, scoring 79.44 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.