The Imperial Papal State of Cafe y el Tabaco is a titanic, orderly nation, ruled by Madre García del gabinete del papa Chico with an iron fist, and remarkable for its ubiquitous missile silos, infamous sell-swords, and complete absence of social welfare. The hard-nosed, cynical, devout population of 22.335 billion Cafe y el Tabacoans are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Spirituality. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Pope Chico City. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 30.5%.

The strong Cafe y el Tabacoan economy, worth a remarkable 1,293 trillion crédito imperials a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Uranium Mining, Woodchip Exports, and Automobile Manufacturing. Black market activity is notable. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 57,901 crédito imperials, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 190,934 per year while the poor average 13,142, a ratio of 14.5 to 1.

Viewers get headaches from trying to read the screen full of small print warnings that precede most TV shows, turnstile jumpers grow up to be tax cheats, police spend their Saturday nights breaking up illegal street races, and a blood-red mark on the doorframe means a building must be passed over for destruction. Crime, especially youth-related, is almost non-existent, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Cafe y el Tabaco's national animal is the Grey-tailed Pope Chico Burro and its national religion is Cristo de Chico also known as Chicodad.

Cafe y el Tabaco is ranked 139,557^th in the world and 10^th in Sumerian Coalition for Largest Pizza Delivery Sector, scoring 1,059 on the Pepperoni Propulsion Productivity Index.