The Girnian Borderlands of Cafe is a gargantuan, efficient nation, renowned for its parental licensing program, absence of drug laws, and complete absence of social welfare. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical population of 30.513 billion Cafeans are rabid consumers, partly through choice and partly because the government tells them to and dissenters tend to vanish from their homes at night.

The tiny, pro-business, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Industry, Defense, and Spirituality. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 7.2%.

The very strong Cafean economy, worth a remarkable 1,351 trillion Drinks a year, is quite specialized and led by the Beef-Based Agriculture industry, with major contributions from Gambling, Automobile Manufacturing, and Woodchip Exports. Average income is 44,287 Drinks, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 301,100 per year while the poor average 2,379, a ratio of 126 to 1.

Military spending is on the increase, punitive tariffs protect local industry, a major religion has been named as Cafe's national religion, and citizens wishing to be parents must undertake a series of gruelling tests to evaluate their capabilities. Crime is a major problem, probably because of the absence of a police force. Cafe's national animal is the parrot, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is a major religion.

Cafe is ranked 214,246^th in the world and 1^st in The Girnian Cafe for Highest Average Incomes, with 44,287.41 Standard Monetary Units.