The Royal Nuts of Cacheu is a gargantuan, socially progressive nation, ruled by The Leader of Cacheu with a fair hand, and renowned for its multi-spousal wedding ceremonies, public floggings, and restrictive gun laws. The compassionate, humorless population of 30.971 billion Cacheuans enjoy a sensible mix of personal and economic freedoms, while the political process is open and the people's right to vote held sacrosanct.

It is difficult to tell where the omnipresent government stops and the rest of society begins, but it juggles the competing demands of Social Policy, Education, and Welfare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Cacheu. The average income tax rate is 91.6%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The enormous but inefficient Cacheuan economy, worth a remarkable 1,890 trillion xofs a year, is driven almost entirely by government activity. The industrial sector is solely comprised of the Book Publishing industry. Average income is 61,032 xofs, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.5 times as much as the poorest.

Any citizen who cries is immediately assigned a psychiatrist, the government has hired out-of-work fashion designers to design purses for men, the government prefers to kill off its enemies by peaceful means, and most academic research has ground to a halt. Crime, especially youth-related, is pervasive, probably because of the absence of a police force. Cacheu's national animal is the lion, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Cacheu is ranked 289,163^rd in the world and 10,999^th in Osiris for Most Corrupt Governments, with 0.35 kickbacks per hour.