The Empire of Bloatnikov is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Leader with an even hand, and renowned for its pith helmet sales, ubiquitous missile silos, and suspicion of poets. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cheerful, devout population of 44.99 billion Bloatnikovians are free to succeed or fail in life on their own merits; the successful tend to enjoy an opulent (but moralistic) lifestyle, while the failures can be seen crowding out most jails.

The minute, corrupt government, or what there is of one, is primarily concerned with Defense, although Law & Order is also considered important, while Social Policy and Welfare receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Sludgegut. Income tax is unheard of.

The frighteningly efficient Bloatnikovian economy, worth an astonishing 11,189 trillion bloatskis a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Uranium Mining, Information Technology, and Gambling. Average income is an amazing 248,717 bloatskis, with the richest citizens earning 8.0 times as much as the poorest.

Domestic fishermen fly the Bloatnikovian flag out of fear of being blown up, many politicians are serving jail time for minor drug offenses, health insurance executives die young due to their claims being denied by their own companies, and the nation's atlases tend to go out of date every few weeks. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. Bloatnikov's national animal is the oglop, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Bloatnikov is ranked 307,384^th in the world and 4^th in Mars for Highest Foreign Aid Spending, scoring -34.79 on the Clooney Contribution Index.