The Democratic People's Republic of Beatesia is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Fleet Admiral Nicholas Millett with an iron fist, and remarkable for its closed borders, barren, inhospitable landscape, and avowedly heterosexual populace. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 16.722 billion Beatesians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The enormous, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, with Education, Public Transport, and Industry also on the agenda. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Beatesgrad. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Beatesian economy, worth a remarkable 5,919 trillion Shillings a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched black market in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, Woodchip Exports, and Uranium Mining. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an amazing 354,007 Shillings, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Children seem to be getting better at lying these days, the line of people waiting for a visa interview in front of foreign embassies is typically a mile long, the nation's navy has been named the scourge of the seven thousand seas, and power stations shutting down at night has made bedtime reading tricky. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, despite the fact that it is difficult to make it through a day without breaking one of the country's many laws. Beatesia's national animal is the Owl, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution, and its national religion is The Worker's Party of Beatesia.

Beatesia is ranked 299,229^th in the world and 9,934^th in Osiris for Largest Retail Industry, scoring -22.86 on the Shrinkwrap Consignment Productivity Index.