The Protectorate of Bald is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Supreme Evil Overlord Balding with an iron fist, and notable for its frequent executions, anti-smoking policies, and absence of drug laws. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 29.311 billion Bald Bastards are ruled with an iron fist by the corrupt, dictatorship government, which oppresses anyone who isn't on the board of a Fortune 500 company. Large corporations tend to be above the law, and use their financial clout to gain ever-increasing government benefits at the expense of the poor and unemployed.

The relatively small, corrupt, pro-business, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Hairless City. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 50.3%.

The frighteningly efficient Bald economy, worth an astonishing 10,296 trillion Balds a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Uranium Mining, Retail, and Information Technology. Black market activity is rampant. Average income is an amazing 351,277 Balds, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 3,242,279 per year while the poor average 3,775, a ratio of 858 to 1.

Sailors spend their shore leave helping old ladies cross the street, commemorative mugs remembering last year's Black Friday Crockery Riots are a best seller this year, Bald athletes are close to breaking the 2 minute mile and the 16 meter long jump, and the nation was recently voted as the most stylish in The North Pacific. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Bald's national animal is the Bald Eagle, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is the Order of Saint Balding.

Bald is ranked 3,222^nd in the world and 61^st in The North Pacific for Largest Gambling Industry, scoring 11,696.94 on the Kelly Criterion Productivity Index.