The Eternal Misfortune of Aqualagoon is a titanic, orderly nation, ruled by Queen Shrub with an iron fist, and remarkable for its pith helmet sales, punitive income tax rates, and compulsory gun ownership. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 21.324 billion Aqualagoonians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Industry, Spirituality, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Florapolis. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Aqualagoonian economy, worth an astonishing 12,185 trillion Raindrops a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, quite specialized black market in Beef-Based Agriculture, Trout Farming, and Cheese Exports. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is a breathtaking 571,454 Raindrops, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

God-fearing citizens can be seen in prayer circles around the Big Max impact crater, burglary is widely regarded as the national sport, the School of Hard Knocks is receiving record application numbers., and graffiti graces every city's streets. Crime, especially youth-related, is so common that it is unusual to encounter someone following the law, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Aqualagoon's national animal is the Trout, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Food.

Aqualagoon is ranked 331,487^th in the world and 34^th in Pencil Sharpeners Puppet Storage for Largest Insurance Industry, scoring -31.48 on the Risk Expulsion Effectiveness Rating.