| Population | 8.065 billion |
| Capital | Proxima Centauri B |
| Leader | Santa Claus |
| Faith | Atheism |
| Currency | Gold bar |
| Animal | Bat |
The Holy black christmas Easter of Alpha Centouri is a mammoth, efficient nation, ruled by Santa Claus with an iron fist, and remarkable for its sprawling nuclear power plants, pith helmet sales, and complete absence of social welfare. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 8.065 billion Alpha Centourians are ruled with an iron fist by the corrupt, dictatorship government, which oppresses anyone who isn't on the board of a Fortune 500 company. Large corporations tend to be above the law, and use their financial clout to gain ever-increasing government benefits at the expense of the poor and unemployed.
The relatively small, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Industry, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Proxima Centauri B. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 6.8%.
The frighteningly efficient Alpha Centourian economy, worth a remarkable 3,154 trillion Gold bars a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Retail, and Soda Sales. Black market activity is extensive. Average income is an amazing 391,191 Gold bars, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 3,329,604 per year while the poor average 8,174, a ratio of 407 to 1.
Pre-schoolers who draw stick figures of their favorite celebrities are sued for infringing image rights, sneezing pedestrians are grabbed by alley-lurking doctors, weird texts received at 2 a.m. are probably from the government, and nihilistic thrill-seekers claim that suicide by roller coaster is the ultimate life experience. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, despite the fact that it is difficult to make it through a day without breaking one of the country's many laws. Alpha Centouri's national animal is the Bat, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Atheism.
Alpha Centouri is ranked 331,338th in the world and 17,721st in Osiris for Largest Welfare Programs, scoring -35.07 on the Safety Net Mesh Density Rating.
National Happenings
Most Recent Government Activity:
- : Following new legislation in
Alpha Centouri, nihilistic thrill-seekers claim that suicide by roller coaster is the ultimate life experience.
- : Following new legislation in
Alpha Centouri, weird texts received at 2 a.m. are probably from the government.
- : Following new legislation in
Alpha Centouri, sneezing pedestrians are grabbed by alley-lurking doctors.
- : Following new legislation in
Alpha Centouri, pre-schoolers who draw stick figures of their favorite celebrities are sued for infringing image rights.
- : Following new legislation in
Alpha Centouri, sleep-deprived officials are known to collapse after late night revision for their examinations.
- : Following new legislation in
Alpha Centouri, banning party poppers has been a real party pooper.
- : Following new legislation in
Alpha Centouri, a suspicious number of male students have joined the Ladies' Wrestling League.
- : Following new legislation in
Alpha Centouri, government popup ads are springing up like weeds.
- : Following new legislation in
Alpha Centouri, the native owl population is in permanent hibernation.
- : Following new legislation in
Alpha Centouri, Santa Claus's peyote-induced "let's all just be friends" speech is trending world-wide.












































