The Most Serene Republic of Alcoholistas is a massive, orderly nation, remarkable for its compulsory vegetarianism, smutty television, and flagrant waste-dumping. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical population of 1.246 billion Alcoholistasians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The medium-sized, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Education, Law & Order, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Penge Spoons. The average income tax rate is 58.1%.

The frighteningly efficient Alcoholistasian economy, worth 145 trillion McDaves a year, is led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Book Publishing, and Cheese Exports. Black market activity is extensive. Average income is an impressive 116,844 McDaves, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.9 times as much as the poorest.

Leader is too busy listening to praise to get any work done, weekends are spent tilting at windmills, no one is quite sure what many government officials look like, and pre-takeoff checks last longer than the flights themselves. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Alcoholistas's national animal is the McDave, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Alcoholistas is ranked 19,134^th in the world and 1^st in Lewisham Library for Most Eco-Friendly Governments, scoring 3,434.28 on the Dolphin Recycling Awareness Index.