The Wooden Land of Aesculusia is a titanic, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Gustav Isaacson with a fair hand, and notable for its ban on automobiles, devotion to social welfare, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, democratic population of 16.212 billion Aesculusians are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The large, socially-minded, outspoken government juggles the competing demands of Education, Welfare, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Arbolopolis. The average income tax rate is 67.8%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The large but inefficient Aesculusian economy, worth 927 trillion Aescs a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is fairly diversified, is led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Beef-Based Agriculture, Book Publishing, and Basket Weaving. Average income is 57,201 Aescs, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The government pours millions of Aescs into rehabilitation programs annually, bored politicians often entertain themselves with games of Simon during important votes, even the nation's brussel sprouts are delicious and nutritious, and t-shirts displaying a photo of Gustav Isaacson performing the Full-Monty are selling out. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. Aesculusia's national animal is the Wolf, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Aesculusia is ranked 257,664^th in the world and 9^th in Aetheria for Highest Unexpected Death Rate, scoring 27.34 on the Bus Surprisal Index.