The Early Morning Song of A Smol Birb is a colossal, efficient nation, notable for its free-roaming dinosaurs, compulsory gun ownership, and suspicion of poets. The hard-nosed, cynical, devout population of 5.296 billion Smol Birbians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The enormous, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Education, Law & Order, and Administration. The average income tax rate is 66.4%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The powerhouse Smol Birbian economy, worth 431 trillion Seeds a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a large, well-organized black market in Tourism, Arms Manufacturing, Cheese Exports, and Uranium Mining. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is 81,535 Seeds, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Historical commemorations regularly devolve into militaristic jingoism, the government's approval ratings go down while its turnover rate goes up, naturists are jailed regularly for indecent exposure, and the children of A Smol Birb are often remarked upon for their cheery attitude to extreme violence. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. A Smol Birb's national animal is the Robin, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

A Smol Birb is ranked 54,874^th in the world and 1^st in Cair Paravel for Lowest Crime Rates, with 72.92 law-abiding acts per hour.