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Crooks' Landing | J. Edgar Hoover's D.C Backyard Patio, Fall 1971
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music: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KPHbP-kpxxY
The best mixture of resources is always classified documents and a backyard grill. ESPECIALLY if you're a senile 76 year old FBI director.
"Alright, uh.. Clyde, come here, would you? The f*cking Jameson papers just got dropped on my desk from our friends running COINTELPRO." With a slow gait, Clyde Tolson, Hoover's longtime deputy, roved over to a grassy cut of the extensive patio, where a grill and a growing number of beige folders were laid side-by-side, Hoover chucking the folders carelessly into the grass. It then became apparent that a rather deep, rectangular pit was roughly a pace away from Tolson. Slightly emoted by the gaping pit, Tolson, without a second thought, began piling the folders into the hole. "Jameson papers? That's what they're calling that one agent of ours.. the guy who got indoctrinated into that one cult that Farwell and Amarillo PD are screaming about?"

"Just about. We have an inspection from the GSA on the office and if they find this I'm thinking the entire nation would end up finding out. The only people who are set to enter this house in the coming years are you and maybe some of our COINTELPRO guys." Tolson, now confused, shook his had and looked at Hoover, or rather the back of his head.

"Speaking of COINTELPRO- Why aren't they doing this? Like I get they're knee-deep in that civilian council bullsh*t, but they have the backing, we have the power."

"In case you haven't noticed, we need to reform the entire program into another form and give it proper established leadership before doing anything. That is why I dug a hole in the middle of my backyard instead of giving the items to them. I walk into the offices right now and I'll get jumped either way, so simply put, we can't. Now, if you would, could ya proofread my status reports on our ongoing projects? The legal sh*t, the maroon folder. The green one is for later tonight, that's about our GSA inspection. the offices' Basement's leaking again."

After another gaitwalk onto the floored section of the patio, Tolson opens the folder, and began reading in a mutter.

 :FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATIONS ACTION REPORT:
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NEW ENGLAND-GREAT LAKES: Begin investigations on Brooklyn racketeering organization, unknown trade. Refrain from use of GLYCERIDE. Low Priority, Keep to NYPD. Possibilities include Embezzlement, Drug Sales, etc. FULL REPORT ON PAGE 31

DIXIE-SOUTH: Engage in use of readjusted GLYCERIDE after 12/24/71. Send request to National Security Agency ([nation]Zebruski[/nation]) for monitoring until GLYCERIDE is readjusted. High priority, escalate to direct meeting with POTUS. JAMESON is to be extracted as soon as possible. FULL REPORT ON PAGES 32-37

MIDWEST: N/A, no SUNCALLS. FULL REPORT ON PAGE 38

SOUTHWEST: Increased Gulf Cartel activity, reported cartel members entering Eden cult territory over past 6 months. Limited use of remnant GLYCERIDE elements for monitoring, HOLLYWOOD plan to enter effect. High priority. ETHEREUM is to be dispatched. FULL REPORT ON PAGES 39-56

NORTHWEST: N/A, no SUNCALLS. FULL REPORT ON PAGE 57

MISC: Puerto-Rican independence calls, POTUS worries over Panama Canal, etc. MADRIGAL plan to be enacted, consider contact with GUADALAJARA or FREE COMPANIES. Low Priority. FULL REPORT ON PAGES 57-72 

For several more sections, a list of actions both domestic and abroad seem to be written in official typeface. Tolson promptly quips to Hoover
"GLYCERIDE? a bit on the nose, eh? I remember reading that this was a toxic chemical or compound or something, corrosive. Really?"

"Eh, better than nothing. Actually, give me that for a second. I'm wondering if we want to do MADRIGAL or not. Contacting the Guadalajara people is going to be bad for reputation for the rest of the year until we can cover our tracks."

it was then that a distinct burning sound was heard sparking from the grill.

"F*CK, MY HAM-"