16
Dispatch → Meta → Reference
The Weekend Poetry Contest of the Bar: Weeks 1–30
The Poetry Contest is an event that takes place on the Bar's RMB every weekend. It begins at 12:01 AM on Saturday and ends at 12:01 PM on Monday (Eastern Standard Time / UTC-5). During the event, all nations are welcome to post their original poetry on the Bar's RMB. There is no limit to the number of entries one may submit. At the end of the event, a judge will read all the poetry posted within the contest time frame and decide which is the best.
The judge's job is simply to read through all the poetry (only poetry written in accordance with the week's poetry form will be considered valid entries) posted within the contest time frame and determine which of them is the best, with the meaning of "the best" being based wholly on the judge's subjective opinion. Upon choosing a winner, the judge will post the result of the contest on the RMB. Obviously, the judge is not allowed to be corrupt: the winning poetry cannot be authored by the judge and the winning poetry must not be chosen on the basis of friendships, pity, whose turn it is, etc. The winning poetry must be the best poetry in the judge's opinion.
Due to the strictness of some poetry forms, some entries may not entirely conform to the established rules for writing a specific type of poem. People put a lot of effort into their poems and may not catch their mistakes. As such, the judge is allowed to choose which mistakes are excusable and which are not. It is the judge's decision as to whether a syllable over or a syllable under is acceptable or not. The judge can choose to be very strict or allow for a bit of leeway. This only applies to more complex forms of poetry, like sonnets. With simpler forms like haiku, a syllable over or under is not acceptable.
There is only one judge per week. Every week, the judge will almost always be different. The winner of any given week will be offered to be the judge of the following week. If the winner accepts, he or she will be the judge for the following week. If the first-place winner declines to be the judge, then the player who received second-place will be asked. If the person in second-place declines, then the person who won third-place is offered to be the judge. If there are no people left to ask, one of the backup judges will be the judge for the following week. The backup judges are Kissinger-Monroe and Lord protector of the land. In each instance that a backup judge is called for, the judge who was not the used in the last instance shall be the judge for the following week. In other words, the backup judges will alternate each time they are needed.
The winner of the Poetry Contest will receive a bottle of the Bar's finest alcoholic drink with their name on it. Also, the winner will get the opportunity to be the judge of the following week's contest. The judge chooses the poetry form for the contest. Poetry forms include cinquian, haiku, sonnet, limerick, shape poetry, slam poetry, acrostic, villanelle, ode, obituary poetry/elegy, conceit, nursery rhyme, poetic epigram, tanka, quatrain, and free verse. These are merely examples and the judge may choose a poetry form that is not included here. The judge may even choose to have no required poetry form at all.
No. For Weeks 1–27, all entries had to be in haiku form. The judge only had the ability to choose the winner, but couldn't choose a form for the week. The winners received bottles of Japanese sake, or other Asian alcoholic drinks if sake was not available.
All of these guides except for one were written by Kissinger-Monroe.
The Sonnet
The Limerick
The Villanelle
The Cinquain
The Quatrain à la The Cat in the Hat
The Ballad by Schiltzberg
Days: January 9, 2017–January 16, 2017
Judge: Kissinger-Monroe
❧ Results ☙
Winner: Brocklandia
Drink to the author.
He’s so great I cannot speak.
Syllables fail me.
You have won a stylish yet empty bottle of the Bar's finest Japanese sake!
Days: January 21, 2017–January 23, 2017
Judge: Brocklandia
❧ Results ☙
Winner: Zombie Penguins
If you drink enough
All the Haiku are awesome
Have another drink.
You have won a stylish yet empty bottle of the Bar's finest Japanese sake!
Days: January 28, 2017–January 30, 2017
Judge: Zombie Penguins
❧ Results ☙
Winner: The siri
If I'm not too late
I need to think of something
Clever and quite deep.
You have won a stylish yet empty bottle of the Bar's finest Japanese sake!
Days: February 4, 2017–February 6, 2017
Judge: The siri
❧ Results ☙
Winner: Drunkndisorderly
The plates are so clean
that you can eat off of them
ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
You have won stylish yet empty bottles of the Bar's finest Japanese sake!
Days: February 11, 2017–February 13, 2017
Judge: Drunkndisorderly
❧ Results ☙
Winner: A sapient dump in the bar on the corner
You have won two bottles of the Bar's finest Japanese sake!
Days: February 18, 2017–February 20, 2017
Judge: A sapient dump in the bar on the corner
❧ Results ☙
Winner: Brocklandia
Zombies will starve here.
Our Bar patrons are brain-free —
a prerequisite.
You have won a bottle of the Bar's finest Japanese sake!
Days: February 25, 2017–February 27, 2017
Judge: Brocklandia
❧ Results ☙
Winner: Purple empire
I can't like your post
But after reading, I smiled.
Thumbs up for you, pal.
You have won a stylish yet empty bottle of the Bar's finest Japanese sake!
Days: March 4, 2017–March 6, 2017
Judge: Lord protector of the land
❧ Results ☙
Winner: The archbishop in the bar on the corner
Ugh! How improper!
A vulgar and obscene dance
Doesn't belong here!
Upon being confronted with his prize sake bottle, the Archbishop said a holy chant and broke the bottle into a million pieces. After this incident, the Archbishop shouted, "Lips that touch liquor are lips that sin! Alcohol is a great evil and I do not want to partake in it!" Well, the joke is on the Archbishop because sake is not a liquor; sake is a wine.
Days: March 11, 2017–March 13, 2017
Judge: The archbishop in the bar on the corner
❧ Results ☙
Winner: Crenta
Is it Haiku night?
How does one write a Haiku?
I think I need help.
Congratulations! You have won three bottles of the Bar's finest Japanese sake Korean liquor. We ran out of sake this week.
Days: March 18, 2017–March 20, 2017
Judge: Crenta
❧ Results ☙
Winner: Zombie Penguins
A haiku a day
Keeps all the monsters away
Except that one, run!
Congratulations! You have won a stylish yet empty bottle of the Bar's finest Japanese sake!
Days: March 25, 2017–March 27, 2017
Judge: Zombie Penguins
❧ Results ☙
Winner: Libratus
Pass the cider please,
For it has been a long week.
Next round is on me.
Congratulations! You have won a stylish yet empty bottle of the Bar's finest Japanese sake!
Days: April 1, 2017–April 3, 2017
Judge: Libratus
❧ Results ☙
Winner: Velior
What a merry place
Like a secret sea-kissed beach
Alcoholic waves
Congratulations! You have won two bottles of the Bar's finest olive oil!
Days: April 8, 2017–April 10, 2017
Judge: Kissinger-Monroe
❧ Results ☙
Winner: Zombie Penguins
A zombie walks in
And asks to have a quick bite,
People run away.
Congratulations! You have won three bottles of the Bar's finest Japanese sake!
Days: April 15, 2017–April 17, 2017
Judge: Zombie Penguins
❧ Results ☙
Winner: Mother superior in the bar on the corner
Easter: Day of Spring,
Disgusting, life's made to end.
Cthulhu destroys all.
The Mother Superior declined her prize of sake, saying that she did not wish to die. A wise choice.
Days: April 22, 2017–April 24, 2017
Judge: Mother superior in the bar on the corner
❧ Results ☙
Winner: Brocklandia
This is my haiku.
Is it not nifty? Why, yes!
It will surely win.
Here is your customary empty bottle of Japanese sake.
Days: April 29, 2017–May 1, 2017
Judge: Brocklandia
❧ Results ☙
Winner: Uan aa Boa
And so it begins
with seventeen syllables.
Let haiku commence!
Here is a suspicious bottle filled with an unknown substance. Enjoy.
Days: May 6, 2017–May 8, 2017
Judge: Uan aa Boa
❧ Results ☙
Winner: Chieftain Kralj
Brasilistan here
Please don't do a genocide
It is not nice, thanks!
You have won two empty bottles of the Bar's finest Japanese sake!
Days: May 13, 2017–May 15, 2017
Judge: Lord protector of the land
❧ Results ☙
Winner: Drunkndisorderly
Sleeping is fine, but
No such thing as too much play
Or too many treats
You have three stylish bottles of the Bar's finest Japanese sake!
Days: May 20, 2017–May 22, 2017
Judge: Drunkndisorderly
❧ Results ☙
Winner: Uan aa Boa
What's the big idea?
So! Hiya Toots! Aw phooey.
Boy oh boy oh boy.
You have won a stylish yet empty bottle of the Bar's finest Japanese sake!
Days: May 27, 2017–May 29, 2017
Judge: Uan aa Boa
❧ Results ☙
Winner: Zombie Penguins
The sun and the moon
High in the sky, biding time
Until they attack
You have won a stylish yet empty bottle of the Bar's finest Japanese sake!
Days: June 3, 2017–June 5, 2017
Judge: Zombie Penguins
❧ Results ☙
Winner: Brocklandia
I know — I should have
Posted this as a haiku.
I'm much too lazy.
You have won a stylish yet empty bottle of the Bar's finest Japanese sake!
Days: June 10, 2017–June 12, 2017
Judge: Brocklandia
❧ Results ☙
Winner: The Janitor of the Bar on the Corner
Kissinger-Monroe,
A penny is all I ask,
YOU DIRTY BASTARD!!!!!!
The winner declined his prize. He said, "The judge, a rival of mine, has chosen my haiku as the winner. As you all know, the winner of the haiku contest receives a bottle of sake. You will also be familiar with the fact that all of the Bar's drinks are fatally toxic. Why would Brocklandia pick my haiku? To kill me! That is why. Ha! Did you really think that you could actually fool me? I know your tricks. As such, I decline the prize."
Days: June 17, 2017–June 19, 2017
Judge: The Janitor of the Bar on the Corner
❧ Results ☙
Winner: Andromeda m31
That's quite the picture
Do not look at July, folks.
Your eyes will thank you.
You have won two bottles of the Bar's finest Japanese sake. They're not empty, so I will be seeing you at your funeral.
Days: June 24, 2017–June 26, 2017
Judge: Andromeda m31
❧ Results ☙
Winner: Zombie Penguins
Graveyard of Angels
Watching every move, waiting
Never look away
You have won three bottles of the Bar's finest Japanese sake. My condolences.
Days: July 1, 2017–July 3, 2017
Judge: Zombie Penguins
❧ Results ☙
Winner: Vault 391
Time to win this thing
I will make the best haiku
To make up for this
You have won a bottle of the Bar's finest Japanese sake. My condolences.
Days: July 8, 2017–July 10, 2017
Judge: Vault 391
❧ Results ☙
Winner: Drunkndisorderly
You have won these three bottles. I have no idea what they're filled with. Good luck.
Days: July 15, 2017–July 17, 2017
Judge: Drunkndisorderly
❧ Results ☙
Winner: Lake of fur
Flavor of the week
Broiled patron in white sauce
Tastes just like chicken
You have won an empty bottle of the Bar's finest Japanese sake. Good luck.
Days: July 22, 2017–July 24, 2017
Judge: Lake of fur
Form: Haiku
❧ Results ☙
Winner: Iescech
Ringing in your head
Wake up on the floor in the
Essence of brewed malt
You have won the a bottle of the Bar's finest French champagne. My commiserations.
Days: July 29, 2017–July 31, 2017
Judge: Iescech
Form: Sonnet
❧ Results ☙
Winner: The fields of asphodel
You won the sonnet contest with a Shakespearean sonnet. Since ale was the drink of choice in Shakespeare's time, you have won the Bar's finest bottle of imported English ale. It's empty, though.
Days: August 5, 2017–August 7, 2017
Judge: The fields of asphodel
Form: Limerick
❧ Results ☙
Winner: Kissinger-Monroe
Kissinger-Monroe, being the Chief Manager of the Bar, knew that the Bar's drinks were toxic. As such, she did not accept her prize of a bottle of the Bar's finest Irish whiskey.
Zombie Penguins
Kissinger-Monroe
The fields of asphodel
Lake of fur
Neutrality Foundation
Brocklandia
Frieden-und Freudenland
Uan aa Boa
Transonlatria
The siri
Pax Nerdvana
*Some of these players won the contest with a poem entered by one of their puppets. The nations listed here are the main nations they use to participate in the Bar.