A Brief History of Tzorsland

It is hard to imagine a time when there was open space in Tzorsland, but centuries ago, when the population was in the millions and not in the billions, the area that is now Tzorsland was a massive subcontinent divided into several warring fiefdoms. The biggest of these fiefdoms was the empire of Titipu, whose capitol was located in the city now known as “Garden City.” The other fiefdoms are mostly forgotten in most accounts of the history of Tzorsland.

The history of Tzorsland then turns to a place far away, to the year 1066 and the Anglo-Saxon King of some insignificant little land called “England.” Harold Godwinson, only having been recently been made king in January was killed by Normans in mid October, leaving his legitimate wife (who was pregnant) Ealdgyth, daughter of Ælfgar, Earl of Mercia, and widow of the Welsh prince Gruffydd ap Llywelyn in a bit of a bind. In what would become an epic legend she managed to travel a route to Tzorsland, parts of which were named the “Orient Express” because it went ever eastwards. She gave birth to twins, Harold and Ulf and soon Harold was in command of the land north of Titipu in what was called Puragere. In the 15th century this was changed to Mahishūru. Harold then crowned himself Harold III, and insisted that he was the proper ruler of England. Every ruler of that land was either born “Harold” or had his name changed to “Harold.”

By the time the next invasion had taken place, the line of Anglo-Saxons had so blended into the population that apart from a slightly lighter shade of skin you could not tell the monarch from any other native. (Indeed some people think all this Harold thing was made up fabrication of the royal family.) Like the legend of Harold III, this invasion was not a military one but an invasion of light skinned Franciscan Friars. In what was eventually described as a “very hasty battle,” the Franciscan Friars surrounded the King, Harold XII in 1666 and proceeded to whack him on the head with a few stale loves of St. Anthony’s bread as punishment for the Harold’s abandoning the true faith for the pagan religion of the people. The Franciscans had no patience for foreign sounding names and when hearing the name of the city of King Harold proclaimed, “This place is an eyesore.” Thus the name of the city was forever changed to Eyesore.

For the next few centuries, the land was placed under unified Franciscan Rule with the dynasty of Harold in Eyesore getting the honorary title of “Maharaja” ad the dynasty of the kings of Titipu (now Garden City) getting the honorary title of “Mikado.”

In the late 20th century, the current Maharaja, Harold XVI, and the Mikado, Naiki-Poo III, combined their efforts with a relatively unknown stranger known only as the “Meddling Monk.” This “Monk” convinced them that he could overthrow the reign of Franciscans through a most clever plot. They would then be restored to positions of power in return for him and his “friends” taking over the government for a while and allowing them sufficient funding for their research. This they agreed, albeit reluctantly.

The plan of the Meddling Monk, after bringing in his associates, the Master and the Rani, was to bring the nation into the fold of a major world organization (that organization which must never be named) which eventually became the organization today known as the “World Assembly.” The resolutions of this body finally drove the Franciscans crazy and they petitioned the government of Tzorsland to let them form their own independent nation under the name of “Frustrated Franciscans.”

The Nation of Tzorsland, a name given by the Meddling Monk for no apparent reason whatsoever, was originally associated with the larger region of the greater continent of Niftyonia. When the continent broke up, (politically speaking) shortly after the Meddling Monk and his associates left for reasons unknown, the nation of Tzorsland moved from alliance to alliance, first in the region of New York (under the leadership of the “Fearless Leader”) and later in the region of the Hethrum Community. Then for no apparent reason the entire sub-continent disappeared from the face of the world only to appear under the region of Lazarus. One of the associates of the Meddling Monk, the Master, immediately claimed he was the cause of the regeneration of the nation and proclaimed himself the leader of Tzorsland, without objection. (Rumors had suggested that the Fearless Leader objected but he subsequently vanished. A very small replica of the Fearless Leader is in the possession of Harold XVI as a token for anyone who might disagree with the decision to approve the Master as the new leader of Tzorsland.)