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DispatchFactbookCulture

by The Magnificent People's State of 001AmEricA100. . 16 reads.

AmEricAn Culture, Vol. 1

2015-- In 001AmEricA100, military service is a countrywide honor, and those who have had military service receive many side benefits, like a special card that gives them discounts at select stores and restaurants, along with a clay wargaloob inscribed with the phrase: "You are cool."

Wargaloobs are large, beastly animals first discovered in the plains of 001AmEricA100 in the early 1800's. They each have a long, wide snout that holds their long tongue, along with a single horn above their eyes. The males, called bunps, have a goatee at the end of their snout. The wargaloobs are very territorial, and should be avoided at all costs if you don't want to be snapped in half by a whip of their lengthy tongue.

The national sport is the Mustard toss. The sport involves a chucker -standing on a mound called a tossbump- tossing a balsa wood bottle of mustard -which is specially made for the sport- as hard as he can into a group of 5 jumpers as many times as he can before the bottle breaks. Each time the chucker tosses the bottle without breaking it, he gains 1 point. If the bottle breaks, the chucker must jog around a circle drawn starting at the tossbump with a diameter of exactly 28 feet while avoiding the jumpers who try to catch up to the chucker to beat him with clubs. If the jumpers catch the chucker, their team gains 1 point, and the points gained by the chucker are negated. The game is ended when either team has 10 more points than their opponents, or after 4 periods of 16 minutes called quartsides. Now you too can become a great chucker or jumper with your new knowledge of the Mustard toss.

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