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DispatchAccountCulture

by The Government Shutdown of Omigodtheykilledkenny. . 96 reads.

#ThrowbackWednesday: AO's 1st Birthday!! (awww, those little psychos look so cuuute!!)

The following are taken from NS forum posts from the very first Antarctic Oasis Day in 2006. For this year's festivities, Linkclick here.

As Founder and Dictator, I am pleased to appoint The Palentine, Iron Felix, Snefaldia, Retired WerePenguins, and Krioval, our illustrious Charter Nations, as this year's AO Day Ambassadors! Tag, you're it! *runs off*



May 22, 2005:

Fernanda stole another sip from his beer and scowled at the cards he was holding.

"Got any fours, Alex?" he asked.

"Go fish, Mr. President," Sec. Tehrani replied.

The Destructor grumbled as he reached for another card. "So, anyway, you say I can take this jet plane anywhere I want?"

"Anywhere, anytime, Mr. President; it came with the keys to the executive office."

"Sweet. When are we landing, anyway? My αss tired."

"Soon, Mr. President. By the way, excellent command decision, moving the entire nation out of that region full of withering psychopaths. Our neighbors were just too dangerous."

"Whatever, Alex. I just didn't like the way Valdesian women dressed. I mean, covering everything up in burqas like that. Show us the goods, man!"

"... Although, I'm thinking," Tehrani continued, "maybe it wasn't a good idea threatening to nuke Ecopoeia during your inaugural speech like that."

"Heh. We need to start off this administration with a bang! Besides, these dirt-poor Ecopeorians got no economy, no army and only 14 million people; how will they respond? With a UN resolution? Please."

"I believe they're drafting a UN resolution as we speak, Mr. President ..."

"They're gonna pass a UN resolution just to p!ss us off?"

"I believe the exact words of Mr. Vergniaud's telegram were: 'You insane warmongers don't scare us; we're going to pass a human rights resolution, just to p!ss you off!'"

The president made a sour face. "Filthy communists want to play hardball, huh?" he growled. "We'll stick it right to them! I'm gonna find the craziest son of a b!tch and make him our UN ambassador! What do you think of that?"

"Excellent, sir."

An aid interrupted them. "We're ready to land, sir," he said to Fernanda.

"Fμcking yes!" cried the Destructor as he jumped up and raced into a private room. Moments later he emerged in his luau shorts. "Sunny tropical beaches, here I come!" he declared as he ran for the door.

A flight attendant opened it, and punishing gusts of wind instantly covered the newly elected leader with ice and snow. He cast an irritated gaze upon his secretary of state. "What happened to the tropic isles, Alex?" he demanded as an aid draped a coat over his shoulders.

"They canceled at the last minute, sir."

"Canceled?"

"Actually, they were enveloped in a tsunami disaster -- but Antarctica's just as good! Untouched deposits of uranium lie beneath wherever we stand; we'll be rich! Besides, the UN gnomes have no idea this place even exists!"

"Eh. At least I'll have some hot eskimo girls to keep me company," noted Fernanda.

"That's the Arctic, Mr. President. The only native lifeforms here are penguins, and, uhhh ... a fair number of them have been spontaneously combusting ever since you authorized those nuclear tests here a few weeks back."

The Destructor heaved a sigh. Over the howling winds, the faint sound of maniacal laughter could be heard.

"Ah," exclaimed Tehrani. "I hear The Palentine has arrived, right on time!"



ONE YEAR LATER...

"WHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" cried the president with intoxicated glee as he ran through the throngs of guests who had gathered in his spacious backyard patio.

Nervously Alex Tehrani stopped him and pulled him aside. "I think you've enough to drink tonight," he said with embarrassment. "And why the heck are you wearing a toga?!"

"Yeah," slurred the Destructor, his breath reeking of liquor as he held up the bottle he'd been guarding. "Ya know, ya know, they say this Mike's Hard Lemonade sh!t is a chick drink, but it's good stuff!"

Tehrani glanced at the bottle. "Mr. President, that isn't Mike's Hard Lemonade you've been guzzling," he said; "it's Hennessy!"

"Yeah, should have known," remarked Fernanda as he tried in vain to focus his eyes enough to read the label. "Doesn't taste a thing like lemons!" He burped loudly. "Anyway, it's time for my toast."

"Uhh, Mr. President, I really don't think that's a good ide--" Tehrani said as the president pulled himself away.

The Destructor climbed the steps to the high-dive and grasped the railings, glaring down upon the jubilant guests standing around the pool. "Happy Oasis Day, my drunken comrades!" he proclaimed, waving his bottle in the air.

"Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump!" the crowd chanted in reply.

The president grinned widely as the people continued to chant. "You want me to jump?!" he challenged them.

"Yeah!!" they cheered.

Fernanda smiled as the chants resumed. He removed his toga, carelessly tossed his bottle of cognac off one side, leapt to the edge of the diving board, and flew into the air.

There was a loud crunching noise as the toga-less president crashed αss-first into the slab of ice below. "Oh, right," he grunted as he strained to pick himself up. "This is Antarctica. Ow."

As Tehrani watched the alarmed Secret Service agents walking out onto the pool to help up his boss, Amb. Jack Riley staggered up next to him. "Waiter!" he called out. "Give me whatever the president's been drinking! And make it a double!"

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