The Loquacious Lipograms of
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National football team all-time roster

Zwangzug has participated in World Cup cycles 33-42, beginning with the 25th Baptism of Fire; World Cup cycles 64-69; Eagles Cup 6, 7, and 8; World Cup cycles 80, 82-present (but not 81); Independent Associations Cup 9. Ranges should be interpreted in this context.

Players whose names are linked have more detailed writeups elsewhere.

Ramona Ambaile-Hund: MF, Sporting Esper, KF Koflir, EC7-WC83, 11 goals
Micah Angier: MF, Eintracht Trink, WC82-WC85, 10 goals
Leslie Applebaum: DF, Excelsior Slogda, EC7-WC80Q
Ezekiel Arden-Ria: DF, Bassabook Old Boys, EC6
Jesse Arneson: DF, WC37
Chevanthi Arokiaraj: DF, Namiri Forest, CoH 72-WC85, 2 goals
Captain Eagles' Cup 8-WC85.
Shula Bachchan-Laum: MF, Namiri Independent, FC Solovetsky Monastery, WC64-CoH 60, 3 goals
Argumentative, although not so much with the ref, just liked to get the last word.
Satenik Banach: MF, Keppal Cosmos, WC82-present, 8 goals
A notable advocate for fiber crackers to fight all manner of gastrointestinal ailments, and a leading goalscorer in the Hinodejin video game simulation of WC85.
Jacob Barons: MF, WC33-38, 15 goals
Notably outgoing as a Ketrian, though few saw much beyond that in the early and virulently secular years of Zwangzug's emergence. However, his steady and capable play earned him the team captaincy beginning in World Cup 36.
Eddie Barnes: MF, Dunboor FC, WC35-41, 1 goal
Tygo Beumers: DF, Keppal Cosmos, WC68-CoH 60
Cameron Beyer: DF, WC37-38
Shobhana Birla: GK, Namiri Forest, EC7-WC83
Dana Bloomquist: DF, Turks' Club, Marquez-Onwere, WC38-39, 42
Gordon Blum: FW, Keppal Cosmos, EC8-present, 9 goal
Jaclyn Burkhart: MF, Ephesian FC, WC84-present, 6 goals
Mark Bryant: GK, Arlington City, EC6-EC7
Rebecca Calhoun: DF, Arlington City, WC38-42
Daphne Camonoba: DF, Excelsior Slogda, EC6
Andrew Card: DF, Joseon, WC33-42, 1 goal
Itzhak Canterbury: GK, Spenson Suburbia, EC8-present
Edwin Cherenkov-Nguyen: MF, Trebuchet Cham, WC83-present, 17 goals
Clinched spot in World Cup 83 with winning goal against Pasarga on the final matchday of qualifiers, still has problems fitting his entire surname onto a kit.
Edward Ciaver-Maripov: DF, Twineur Bugs, WC69
Brett Chrowder: DF, Canbix Muses, WC64-WC66
Captain during his tenure, first captain of the "second generation" team.
Maya Coelho: MF, Rovers United, WC67-WC69, 8 goals
Penny Consky-Bock: DF, 102d Jr.s, WC64-CoH 56
Bennett Covy: DF, Arlington City, Mont-Lambert FC, WC38-42
Prone to nerves in big games, did better away from the spotlight.
Lissa Crain: DF, 102d Jr.s, WC85-present
Bradley Curnow: DF, Spenson Suburbia, AC Quarant Xa'Virt, WC42
Couldn't swim; could and did dive.
Paige Daunten: GK, Sporting Esper, North Sabrefell, La Nueva Avenida, WC82-present
A fan of the "Ecstasy of Winging" fantasy series. Slightly literal-minded.
Brendan Deguela: MF, Chelmar FC, IYC Ajer, WC37-42, 6 goals
Luanne Delvale: DF, Arlington City, WC64-WC67
Drew comparisons to the bygone Rube Tercer, for being a Lutheran dork who got worked up about multiverse conspiracy theories rather than for being good at defense.
Keshav Dhankot: MF, Namiri Independent, EC7-CoH 72, 7 goals
Evan Diallo: MF, Twineur Bugs, CoH 60-WC69, 1 goal
Javier Drouet: DF, Spenson Suburbia, WC86-present
Patricia Eliot: MF, Canbix Muses, Matthew City Rangers, WC64-WC69, 3 goals
Percy Eskridge: MF, Spenson Suburbia, WC68-WC69
Joshua Farthing: GK, Sporting Esper, WC64-CoH 57
Gave his own lipogram interviews, which is pretty much where you want your goalkeeper-eccentricity levels to be calibrated.
Mal Faustino: DF, A.F.F., WC 36-40, 1 goal
Focused but confident, and willing to challenge the prevailing orthodoxy in the national team. After his retirement, he opened a supermarket in Abadia, which expanded into including a restaurant.
Ian Felsenfeld: FW, IYC Uharan, Chelmar FC, WC37-40, 3 goals
Very inconsistent, could have excellent or terrible performances with no way of predicting them. Teamed up with Evan Terwilliger for more erraticness at Chelmar. Later the manager of IYC Vanan, where he had a “clever man-managing style” and was a “wonder-worker” in keeping them relevant.
Jocelyn Fekapeu-Chara: DF, Sporting Esper, WC68-WC69
Blake Fures: MF, Bassabook Old Boys, WC69
A self-proclaimed "chap" who had to explain chappy things to the rest of the team during the "World Cup of Chaps."
Ione Friede: MF, Canbix Muses, WC82-present, 11 goals
Nirav Gadhavi: GK, Namiri Independent, WC67-WC69
Heather Garland-Fowler: DF, Sporting Esper, EC7-WC82Q
Ariadne Ge: MF, FTC United, EC7-CoH 72, 1 goal
Joan Gerland: MF, Spenson Suburbia, Matthew City Senators, WC64-WC67, 12 goals
Her #7 was retired for the Senators.
Trent Gerson: FW, Spenson Suburbia, Swinedon Town, WC40-42, 1 goal
A fairly selfish forward, Gerson's relative consistency nevertheless made him popular in Swinedon. This, and his attitude, would in turn make him widely disliked in the rest of Sorthern northland, which was apparently typical for Swinedon.
Spencer Gleason: FW, Ephesian FC, WC80-WC82Q, 14 goals
Known for his activism in the players' union, agitating for better contracts and players' rights in terms of visiting nonexistent countries.
Dirk Grosa: MF, Spenson Suburbia, IYC Ajer, WC39-42
A perfectionist who always found something to complain about, but this did bring about a superlative work ethic.
Turan Gul: DF, Namiri Independent, EC6-EC7
Captain of the Eagles Cup 7 team.
Hannah Gustafson: MF, 102d Jr.s, EC6, 1 goal
Ogechi Guttuso: MF, Bassabook Old Boys, EC6, 1 goal
Sara Hale-Barnard: DF, Canbix Muses, WC64-WC66
Somewhat of a professional fouler.
Roger Hammers: MF, Seojang, WC33-37
Bartholomew Hanson: DF, WC36-38
Very tall and young-looking, but more mature than his appearance indicated. Named to the Best XXIII of World Cup 36.
Kazue Harel: DF, Eintracht Trink, WC67-WC68Q
Kostya Hart-Farm: FW, Excelsior Slogda, WC82-CoH 74, 5 goals
Jonas Henke: FW, Rovers United, Atlético Insular, WC 41-42, 1 goal
A more sedate counterpart (and possibly better finisher) to Muus Jurin when they played together for the Rovers. As the peerless CCFM newswires put it, he "died of old age (not so old, though), so he was forced to retire by natural circumstances."
Solveig Henson-Quar: MF, 102d Jr.s, EC7-CoH 72, 1 goal
Kim Higden: GK, Rovers United, EC7-CoH 72
A native of the Picksall Islands and fluent in their consonant-poor language.
Dennis Horkawer-Rippel: MF, Keppal Cosmos, Fligsive FC, WC67-WC69, 5 goals
Sally Ici-Holder MF, 102d Jr.s, WC64-CoH 56, 3 goals
Johan Idmar: FW, Keppal Cosmos, EC8-present, 13 goals
Olivia Idoni: MF, Bassabook Old Boys, EC6, 3 goals
Natalie Instonenext: DF, Port of Clotaire, WC37-41
Marlene Jamieson: DF, Keppal Cosmos, WC64-WC66
Kendra Jover: MF, Ephesian FC, EC7-CoH 74, 3 goals
Captain during the WC80 and WC82 cycles.
Muus Jurin: FW, Rovers United, Char Sara FC, WC41-42, 15 goals
An entertaining fan favorite whose shots could be heard from the upper deck when they were on-target enough even to hit the post. His name lent itself well to non-booing "MUUUUUUUS!" cheers.
Lilavati Kanwar: DF, Namiri Forest, Lobyuseistvooshu, WC69
Sonal Kaur: DF, Namiri Forest, WC41-42
Named "defender of the season" in the first MUFN campaign after captaining Namiri to the title. Had a sufficiently gender-neutral name to be scouted by the CCFM, despite the whole "masculino" thing.
Davi Keane-Lipurand: MF, Ephesian FC, WC64-CoH 60, 5 goals
A good sport, yet prone to usually-quiet grudges. Scored twice and invented the "5-f-3-s-%" [sic] formation during the first leg of the second-round playoff against Darmen in the WC68 qualifiers.
Natasha Keller: MF, Rovers United, WC39-42, 5 goals
Said to have the joy, enthusiasm, and tactical positioning of a five-year-old.
Geoff Kempner: MF, Arlington City, Metropolitano, WC40-42
Right wing and active member of the players' union, or at least he was in Zwangzug. Dinky little mustache.
Mitchell Kernkraft: MF, WC42, Rovers United, Wiechester FC
No flair, but a hard-working grinder. Later became Wiechester manager.
Nora Kent-Maner: MF, Sporting Esper, WC86-present
Bethany Kieschnick: DF, WC37-38
Riley Kivrin: MF, Arlington City, WC83-present, 1 goal
May possibly be even shorter than 5'3" broadcaster Emmylou Brighton and Farfadillis legend Xíxì Êns; scored the equalizing goal against the Farf team to advance to the WC85 knockout stages.
Komala Kristinsdottir: MF, Namiri Independent, EC6, 3 goals
Megan Kucinich: MF, Wexax United, WC38-42, 2 goals
An adventurous player who was seemingly up for a trip anywhere in the multiverse, except her opponents' half of the field, which made her "a bit of a cult figure" in Linkthe Holy Empire and much less so with Andrew Card. Debuted after Ursula Lauren's injury in the World Cup 38 qualifiers.
Lucas Kukiseso: MF, Spenson Suburbia, WC80-IAC9, 9 goals
Antje Kurzmann-Tremme: MF, Eintracht Trink, WC64-WC66, 4 goals
Nervy and concerned about self-/family-defense once she became a big time celebrity.
Nidhi Kulamard: MF, FTC United, EC6, 1 goal
Eugene Kyp-Sobol: DF, Excelsior Slogda, EC6
Captain of the Eagles Cup 6 champions.
Vipin Lamin: DF, Namiri Forest, WC64-WC67
Made lots of pithy lists. Named to the "World XI" of World Cup 67, possibly for being one of the only defenders who was nominated (in his case, by district rival Shula Bachchan-Laum).
Gabi Lanius-Sexton: FW, Trebuchet Cham, CoH 74, 1 goal
Hajna Lantos: GK, Canbix Muses, CoH 60-WC69
Ursula Lauren: MF, Arrigo Portuguese, WC37-39, 1 goal
The national team's first female starter, who preferred to be judged on her play rather than demographic role and/or treatment of people who went on about it. She scored five goals in seasons XXVI and XXVII for Arrigo.
Michelle Lawrence: MF, Ephesian FC, EC6
Tara Lenski: DF, Rovers United, Caires City, WC40-42
Injury-prone with a penchant for highlight-reel stops, two concepts which overlapped too frequently. Played seasons XXX-XXXII in Caires; three goals, two own goals there.
Vanessa Leiter: DF, Canbix Muses, EC7-CoH 72
Allison Levi-Gold: DF, Sporting Esper, WC82-present, 1 goal
Zwangzug's nomination for Galactico Junior during UICA cycle 70.
Preston Liebersbach: FW, WC37-39, 4 goals
Spoke a unique idiolect of English which could include "yah, sure, yabetcha" and "yo dawg" in the same sentence.
Gary Maini: FW, Albrecht Turkish, WC37-41, 42 goals
Saena Mathash: GK, Namiri Forest, WC42
Yul Maughum: FW, WC33-36, 32 goals
A son of the eastern FTC's social elite, he was a large if slow-footed forward. Though his shots had more power than aim, he still set up many goals for crosstown teammate Phillip Stings.
Khamisi McCluey: FW, Rovers United, Royal Rumiatzi, CoH 57-CoH 60, 19 goals
Was a reserve for Rovers United in the "Fair Play Trophy" around the time of World Cup 62, before Zwangzug had returned to international play. Scored 18 goals for Royal Rumiatzi in season 658, the third-highest total.
Jonah McCollins: MF, Bassabook Old Boys, WC83-present, 21 goals
Jerzy McFetridge: DF, Keppal Cosmos, WC64-CoH 60, 2 goals
Fast going forward, also quick to come to terms with weird stuff going on and adjust to that.
Jen McFult: DF, Rovers United, WC69
Kayla McGee: DF, WC37
Desmond McGowan: DF, Spenson Suburbia, EC7-CoH 74
A big fan of the video game SCQ: Superceleritas Quest.
Joel McJakill: GK, Keppal Cosmos, WC80-IAC9.
Believed to be part of the inspiration behind "Harmony Sound," The Sesquipedals' (a Keppal City-based band)' entry in the World Cup 83 concert. Named to the Galacticos long-list post-IFCF 1, after the dramatic but disappointing WC84 group stages and Keppal's international competitions in the first IFCF/FFI cycles.
Xolani McKiegna: MF, 102d Jr.s, WC64-WC66, 3 goals
Brother-in-law of Kaj McKiegna, a keelboat sailor in the Water World Championships and 8th Summer Olympics.
Zoe McQuoid: MF, WC39-42, Namiri Forest
Bruce Millar: GK, Excelsior Slogda, Burgess FC, WC64-WC69
Fairly outgoing and laid-back by goalkeeper standards.
Harshit Mistry: DF, Namiri Forest, EC6-EC7, 1 goal
Tova Miovuku: DF, Trebuchet Cham, WC84-present, 1 goal
Terrence Montague: MF, Bassabook Old Boys, EC7-WC80Q, 2 goals
Sophie Munshi: MF, Namiri Independent, WC83-present, 5 goals
Loris Muraro-Ughi: FW, Bassabook Old Boys, WC64-CoH 57, 10 goals
Yuuki Nakano: MF, Eintracht Trink, Juvapanam, WC64-WC65Q, 11 goals
Hugo Nimbue: FW, Trebuchet Cham, EC6-EC7, 5 goals
Shayna Nelson: FW, Rovers United, EC6, 4 goals
Timothy Nexus: MF, WC35-37
A native of 102d by way of the AIU. Nexus was once "the techie," assisting (robotic coach) BOB when the nature of fractal reality interfered with wireless communication, before joining the team in his own right. He was fueled mainly by a seemingly endless supply of caffeine, and very surprised by Zwangzug's dominant performance in the WC37 qualifiers.
Amos Noile-Murne: MF, Bassabook Old Boys, WC84-present, 5 goals
Chip Noonan: MF, Arlington City, Albrecht Turkish, WC41-42
Started scintillating counterattacks on his collegiate dynasty, but lacked the endurance for ninety-minute success. A large player, he was a poor tackler and ejected several times in his CMSC career, which spanned seasons XXX-XXXII. He scored nine goals there, and fit in better with Alex Parnett than Scott Soldarian.
Dima Novak: DF, Excelsior Slogda, Athletik Thessia, WC64-CoH 60, 1 goal
One of the taller players in the "second-generation" team.
Zurab Nozadze: DF, Excelsior Slogda, WC80-WC82Q
Manuel Nurtch-Arnolds: DF, Keppal Cosmos, EC6-EC7
Allie Octar-Celyn: DF, Canbix Muses, EC6
Connor Ohme: DF, Bassabook Old Boys, CoH 60-WC69
Fairly withdrawn, a stereotypical "southeasterner" who found it difficult to talk to more liberal-minded people about his faith.
Simon Ryne Olson: FW, Marienburg United, WC33-39, 91 goals
Compars Ogawa: MF, Eintracht Trink, EC6
Anne Onymous: outfield substitute, WC33-35
This is probably just a stupid placeholder pun we thought was funny at the time, rather than an actual player or quantum multiplicity of players who wore any single/double-digit integer that wasn't taken. But if we're going to be completist about this, here we are.
Subroto Parida: DF, Namiri Independent, WC80-IAC9
Struggled with chronic, nauseating migraines throughout his career.
Tori Pfendler: MF, Arlington City, WC42
Good at the passing game, though often set up her opponents instead.
Arlo Rais-Sonnen: FW, FTC United, WC66-WC69, 21 goals
Delia Ramos-Avea: MF, Ephesian FC, WC69
Nadine Roark: DF, Excelsior Slogda, WC68-69
Liked wearing long ponytails, which often saw her clash with manager Matilda Kratochvil in Slogda and the national team.
Corianne Rogawski: MF, Rovers United, EC7-WC83, 5 goals
Angela Rose-Dauphine DF, Spenson Suburbia, WC65-WC67
Martina Ruan: MF, FTC United, WC64-WC69, 18 goals
Steven Ruck: MF, IYC Ajer, Cardarel FC, WC33-41, 4 goals
Danilo Sabbia: MF, Bassabook Old Boys, EC7-CoH 72, 1 goal
Randall Saitta: DF, Bassabook Old Boys, WC83-present, 12 goals
Can be insensitive, but has a solid work ethic.
Taylor Sariger-Heshik: FW, Keppal Cosmos, WC69, 5 goals
Marlon Sayle-Bren: MF, Sporting Esper, CoH 72-IAC9, 17 goals
Named to the Galacticos Long-list post-UICA season 72 and again post-IFCF 1.
Martin Scallop: DF, Keppal Cosmos, WC80-WC83, 5 goals
Tullio Schi: MF, Bassabook Old Boys, Bengtsmark IF, CoH 57-WC69, 13 goals
Franziska Schnee-Krull DF, Eintracht Trink, KF Koflir, EC7-WC83
Stoked controversy in Qusmo by stating relatively conservative views on sexual dimorphism and language, further inflaming anti-immigrant sentiment there.
Claude Seu: MF, Clube Imperial, WC37-40, 1 goal
A quiet player of Ariddian ancestry.
Lawrence Sevvy: DF, WC33-35
A native of Bassabook known for his off-the-field affairs, Sevvy greatly resented (robotic coach) BOB's attempt at instilling curfew. During Zwangzug's matches against Rejistania in the World Cup 35 qualifiers, he joined forces with a fan from The hurd to hack the manager into irrelevancy, paving the way for human coaches thereafter.
Rohit Sharma: FW, Namiri Forest, Chelmar FC, WC40-42, 35 goals
Michael Sheldon: DF, Spenson Suburbia, Central United, WC38-42
Conceded a penalty in a friendly against Candelaria And Marquez in the WC38 qualifiers, which probably did not endear him to the coach. After his domestic career, he disappeared almost completely; rumors linked him with the police in his adopted homeland of Cafundeu.
Simone Shimura: DF, Eintracht Trink, EC6
Akhil Sibal: DF, Namiri Forest, Stade Djalenga, Energija Chernovets, WC84-present, 1 goal
Ted Silla-Raty: MF, Twineur Bugs, WC64-CoH 57
Missed some time in the WC65 cycle due to a health issue, that fortunately for everyone wasn't serious enough to let him self-centeredly complain about it.
Mobin Singh: DF, WC42, Namiri Forest
A wing-back equally comfortable on the right and left.
Ulysses Stael: MF, WC33-34
The older brother of Steven Ruck, Ulysses would likely have had a longer and more talented career if Zwangzug had fielded a team earlier. He was at one point in negotiations to play for a domestic team in St samuel, but it is unknown if those came to fruition.
Sydney Stefred: DF, Arlington City, WC83-present, 2 goals
Known for scoring goals (or setting up opponent own-goals) at unusually dramatic hours, especially for a defender, and also for committing senseless nonsense towards old fogies' sensitive regions. Galacticos long list cycle 76.
Rudolf Sternberg: MF, Ephesian FC, WC65-WC68Q, 1 goal
A native of Clunvers, the suburb of Zwischen known for the "Big Max" meteorite disaster, and glad to be famous for something else. Scored the goal that clinched Zwangzug's return to the proper in WC66, against New matawan.
Phillip Stings: FW, IYC Uharan, WC 33-40, 83 goals.
Kerry Tammany: MF, Bassabook Old Boys, WC64-WC65Q, 5 goals
Kelci Tanaka-Whit: MF, Rovers United, EC6, 2 goals
Rube Tercer: DF, WC33-35
Evan Terwilliger: FW, Chelmar FC, Cardarel FC, WC37-41, 2 goals
Somewhat fluky, though not to the extremes of international and domestic teammate Ian Felsenfeld.
Monica Tewsal: GK, Sporting Esper, EC6
Laurel Tinker-Witt: GK, Canbix Muses, Dwile Warriors, Strathcona Internationals, WC84-present
Dominik Topi: GK, Trebuchet Cham, WC66-WC68Q
Anatoly Trumper: GK, WC33-34
Misako Tsuki: FW, Eintracht Trink, EC7-CoH 72, 11 goals
Accidentally got roped into researching whether a huge percentage of our population really dies by getting lost in the wilderness, theorized it's mostly AI and zebra citizens. Scored a lot of highlight-reel goals for Trink. Became a guest lecturer and then coach of the prestigious Bryce College, leading them to a university championship in Season 30.
Joshua Twoni: MF, Arlington City, WC82-present, 25 goals
Galacticos long list cycle 76. Golden boot in the Hinodejin video game simulation of WC85. Captain WC86-present.
Kurt Uehara: DF, Eintracht Trink, FC Soessch, CoH 74-EC8, 1 goal
Caleb Upsil-Coyne: MF, Spenson Suburbia, EC6-EC7
Ricardo Valbuena: MF, Ephesian FC, WC80-CoH 74
Peter Vanderpent: FW, Albrecht FC, WC37-41, 61 goals
Kausalya Vizirani: DF, Namiri Forest, EC8-present
Patrick Wentworth-Eyrie: MF, Twineur Bugs, EC6-EC7, 1 goal
Ancestor of Jonathan Broad-Wentworth, who would also play for Twineur circa season 28.
Emily Winters-Neumann: GK, WC64-66
Very reserved, had an ongoing feud with Davi Keane-Liuprand.
Franklin Witchein-Coan: DF, Spenson Suburbia, Fryi Frêndê, WC67-WC69, 1 goal
Fan of loud music.
Liorit Wirth: MF, Eintracht Trink, WC68-WC69, 3 goals
Dustin Wodehouse: GK, Spenson Suburbia, EC6
Vera Woredann: MF, Excelsior Slogda, WC66-WC69

See also:
History summary (currently only covers the first team, may or may not be expanded)
Selected player biographies