The Eternal Misfortune of Xynlandia is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by some random guy with an iron fist, and renowned for its public floggings, ubiquitous missile silos, and rampant corporate plagiarism. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 20.999 billion Xynlandians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The enormous, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, although Law & Order is also considered important, while Education and Welfare receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of XXXX. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Xynlandian economy, worth an astonishing 14,211 trillion Xyniums a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, highly specialized black market in Arms Manufacturing. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is a breathtaking 676,782 Xyniums, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Xynlandia recently hosted the least successful trade negotiations since The Phantom Menace, colonial subjects have Xynlandian culture shoved down their throats, foreign leaders who don't applaud some random guy's speeches are regarded as enemies of Xynlandia, and renewable energy projects have ground to a halt. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force. Xynlandia's national animal is the Xylophone, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is the best religion.

Xynlandia is ranked 28^th in the world and 2^nd in Pencil Sharpeners Puppet Storage for Highest Poor Incomes, with 657,327.81 Standard Monetary Units.