The Free and Holy Republic of The Happy Civilians is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by the Brilliant Leader with an iron fist, and remarkable for its rum-swilling pirates, ubiquitous missile silos, and spontaneously combusting cars. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 28.185 billion Patriotic Citizens are ruled with an iron fist by the corrupt, dictatorship government, which oppresses anyone who isn't on the board of a Fortune 500 company. Large corporations tend to be above the law, and use their financial clout to gain ever-increasing government benefits at the expense of the poor and unemployed.

The minute, corrupt, moralistic, pro-business, well-organized government, or what there is of one, is dominated by the Department of Defense, with Industry and Law & Order also on the agenda, while Environment and Welfare receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of The Joyous City of Freedom. Income tax is unheard of.

The frighteningly efficient Patriotic Citizen economy, worth an astonishing 14,163 trillion Almighty Dollars a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Retail, Uranium Mining, and Woodchip Exports. Average income is a breathtaking 502,535 Almighty Dollars, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 3,576,555 per year while the poor average 23,334, a ratio of 153 to 1.

Wood-framed catapults are ready to launch diseased corpses into besieged cities, The Brilliant Leader's recent "I have a dream that we will fight them by raking muck on the beaches" speech seems a little derivative to many, claims adjusters are uselessly vague, and a petition to improve Patriotic Citizen literacy is mostly signed with cross-marks. Crime is all-pervasive, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. The Happy Civilians's national animal is the Super Amazing Brave Eagle, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Christianity.

The Happy Civilians is ranked 293,963^rd in the world and 5,301^st in The East Pacific for Lowest Crime Rates, with 2.72 law-abiding acts per hour.