The Liberated Dáxlamic Provinces of Old Sparrow is a colossal, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Lýderis Bradford John with an iron fist, and renowned for its ban on automobiles, ubiquitous missile silos, and absence of drug laws. The compassionate, cynical, devout population of 5.313 billion Old Sparrowians are ruled with an iron fist by the dictatorship government, which ensures that no-one outside the party gets too rich. In their personal lives, however, citizens are relatively unoppressed; it remains to be seen whether this is because the government genuinely cares about its people, or if it hasn't gotten around to stamping out civil rights yet.

The government — a sprawling, bureaucracy-choked, socially-minded, well-organized morass — juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Dáxlamic Sparrow. The average income tax rate is 77.9%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The Old Sparrowian economy, worth 260 trillion Dáxlamic Marks a year, is highly specialized and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Book Publishing and Door-to-door Insurance Sales. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is 49,021 Dáxlamic Marks, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

New pilots are regularly reminded that they are more expendable than their planes, superfoods are often seen as supervillains, skateboarding is considered a form of diplomacy, and Lýderis Bradford John's exquisite office door is replaced monthly due to angry petitioners. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Old Sparrow's national animal is the Bay Mongoose, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Dáxlam.

Old Sparrow is ranked 48,183^rd in the world and 78^th in Declansburg for Lowest Crime Rates, with 74.71 law-abiding acts per hour.