The Whisky Empire of Martoosh is a gargantuan, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by The Holy Bartender with an even hand, and notable for its museums and concert halls, daily referendums, and complete absence of social welfare. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cheerful population of 28.964 billion Martooshians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The relatively small government is effectively ruled by the Department of Education, with Public Transport, Environment, and Defense also on the agenda, while Spirituality and Social Policy are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Temple of the Goddess Santori. The average income tax rate is 7.1%.

The frighteningly efficient Martooshian economy, worth a remarkable 4,657 trillion wee drams a year, is quite specialized and mostly made up of the Book Publishing industry, with significant contributions from Retail, Basket Weaving, and Furniture Restoration. Average income is an impressive 160,808 wee drams, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.9 times as much as the poorest.

Shanty towns of homeless immigrants are the ideal recruiting ground for terrorist organisations, belief that The Holy Bartender is a lizard-person from outer space has reached an all-time high, Martooshians incessantly needle their doctors for relief, and it is illegal for police officers to carry out searches due to strict privacy laws. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. Martoosh's national animal is the barovian tiger, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Martoosh is ranked 111,056^th in the world and 9^th in The Vast for Lowest Crime Rates, with 64.57 law-abiding acts per hour.