The Republic of Klean Kanteen is a massive, cultured nation, ruled by Jaffar Nazih with an even hand, and notable for its museums and concert halls, smutty television, and punitive income tax rates. The compassionate, democratic, humorless population of 1.634 billion Kanteenians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The enormous government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Education, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Columbidae. The average income tax rate is 90.3%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Kanteenian economy, worth 195 trillion Wawias a year, is led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Book Publishing, Furniture Restoration, and Basket Weaving. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 119,849 Wawias, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Criminals always seem to be forewarned of police raids, the poor are forced into bankruptcy by their energy bills, tourists avoid using the nation's bugged phones and monitored internet, and teachers prefer to give 'Maybe, Maybe Not' tests when dealing with sensitive subjects. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Klean Kanteen's national animal is the Spearfish, which frolics freely in the nation's sparkling oceans, and its national religion is Erinto.

Klean Kanteen is ranked 10,590^th in the world and 1^st in The United Republics of Wawa for Healthiest Citizens, with 14.44 bananas ingested per day.