The Blessed Confederation of Guardians of the Holy Bowling Alley is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Sir Matthew Hallett with an even hand, and remarkable for its frequent executions, suspicion of poets, and complete absence of social welfare. The hard-nosed, hard-working, devout population of 21.827 billion Holy Bowlers are free to succeed or fail in life on their own merits; the successful tend to enjoy an opulent (but moralistic) lifestyle, while the failures can be seen crowding out most jails.

The medium-sized, moralistic government juggles the competing demands of Spirituality, Defense, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of The Holy Bowling Alley's Basement. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 18.5%.

The all-consuming Holy Bowler economy, worth a remarkable 2,160 trillion Bowling Balls a year, is broadly diversified and dominated by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Automobile Manufacturing, Pizza Delivery, and Beef-Based Agriculture. Average income is 98,963 Bowling Balls, but there is a large disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 485,624 per year while the poor average 11,543, a ratio of 42.1 to 1.

Sir Matthew Hallett's told that love often manifests itself through homicidal four-lettered litanies, God took rock and roll from you, took rock and roll from everyone, commemoration of the Great The Nation of Nations and Friends War costs almost as much as the war itself, and concerned environmentalists wipe away their tears with tissues sourced from Tasmanian old-growth redwoods. Crime is a serious problem, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. Guardians of the Holy Bowling Alley's national animal is the Phoenix, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution, and its national religion is Romanicist Christianity.

Guardians of the Holy Bowling Alley is ranked 255,798^th in the world and 4^th in The Nation of Nations and Friends for Most Beautiful Environments, with 61.07 pounds of wildlife per square mile.