2011 Second Round Playoffs vs Nashville: The Honkey Tonk Fan

There are reports today that the government of Nashville proclaimed an edict against a visiting citizen from our beloved hockey republic. Chris Higgins, the self proclaimed Honkey Tonk Fan, traveled to New Nashville as an entertainer, but officials from the New Nashville government have objected to his rowdy stage performance and lewd lyrics.

“This foreign subversive influence will corrupt the minds of our impressionable youth if we allow this to continue,” stated Mike Fisher, the Minister of Culture. “This stranger has no respect for our traditions or our sensibilities.”

When police moved in to break up a Honkey Tonk Fan rock concert, a ring of fanatical fans blocked their path. Several arrests were made, but the Honkey Tonk Fan continued his concert, with the authorities shut out. The rock star finished his set before making his escape, with the help of local dissidents. While his whereabouts are currently unknown, the Honkey Tonk Fan has continued to assert his presence online.

Police Break Up Concert (1-2 Double Overtime Loss in Game 2)

It was another night of civil unrest in Nashville, as concertgoers gathered in the capital for a free, outdoor concert. When Chris Higgins, known as the Honkey Tonk Fan, went on stage the crowd went wild. So did the police. The authorities mobilized every officer they had, including some paramilitary units. The Honkey Tonk Fan had just begun his second encore, when police broke through the barricade of fans and mass arrests began. The concert then generated into violence with large groups of rock fans herded into police buses.

“They were warned,” stated the Minister of Culture, Mike Fisher. “The King does not appreciate this kind of music and neither do the rest of us. We will not stand by while this foreign devil seeks to subvert our youth with his questionable lyrics.”

Despite early reports of the police capture of the Honky Tonk Fan, with the help of his fans he was able to evade authorities. Chris Higgins remains in Nashville, where the police have begun a massive manhunt for the controversial entertainer. The Honkey Tonk Fan was seen on the Interwebs afterwards, blogging about the need to spread democracy and hoping that nobody was too badly hurt at the concert.

Military Refuse to Disperse Crowds (3-2 Overtime Win in Game 3)

The democracy movement escalated in Nashville, with the focus on the outlaw rock concerts being run in the capital. King Rinne called in the military to disperse the crowd, but the military refused to open fire on the concertgoers, with the soldiers instead taking in the concert put on by the Honkey Tonk Fan. The police attempted to intervene, their frantic whistles heard all through the night, but the better-armed soldiers continually turned them away. Away from the main square, protestors fought running battles with the police and several police cars were set ablaze.

“We’re not policemen,” stated Colonel Samuelsson, commander of the mechanized Banjo Brigade. “Our duty is to protect the citizens of this land, not to drive our tanks over them. The army refuses this illegal order!”

In the centre of the capital, the music continued on through the night, going long into overtime, while fans enjoyed a feast of chicken wings from the vendors who had set up shop for the event.

Tanks Fire at Police (4-2 Win in Game 4)

It was another night of clashes between police and protestors, but this time the protestors were the ones that were the better-armed side. The Honkey Tonk Fan put on another show for the fans in Nashville, who have come to see the rock and roll star as a symbol of revolution. Once again, police and paramilitary units were deployed to break up the public gathering. Once again, both protestors and the army that was sent to crush them met them.

The soldiers of the mechanized Banjo Brigade fought back against the riot police and for a while the night appeared to be another stalemate. Then, police began shooting into the crowd of concertgoers, killing dozens. The reaction from the army was swift. Tanks began firing into the masses of police with their big guns, obliterating them from the square in a matter of minutes. Exchanges of sporadic rifle fire lasted well into the night and the continuous shrill police whistles disappeared into the distance before the coming dawn. The casualties from the fighting overwhelmed hospitals. Among the wounded was the local police chief, Jerrod Smithson.

“These rebels are all on drugs! Fed drugs by foreign devils!” shrieked King Rinne, addressing the nation on the monarchy controlled television network. “We have not used force against these foreign influenced rebels. Only our enemies have used force in the streets of Nashville! This is a peaceful kingdom! I would never interfere with my people’s right to protest. It’s just that they aren’t allowed to protest in the streets or public squares.”

“The actions of the police tonight were inexcusable,” stated Colonel Samuelsson, of the mechanized Banjo Brigade. “The army exists to protect the citizens of this great land and tonight that’s exactly what we did. Any attempts of using deadly force to disperse peaceful protests will be met in kind. And the police should understand that we’re a lot better at deadly force than they are.”

While all eyes are on the tense standoff in the capital, the army of Nashville has been ordered to mobilize by their top general. There are reports that the monarchy could be toppled any day now by a military coup.

Instability in the Ranks! (3-4 Loss in Game 5)

With rumblings of a military coup in the works, the monarchy of Nashville was swift to act. When the government sent in the mechanized Banjo Brigade into the city square to disperse a rock concert, attended by pro democracy activists, the military took a stand with the protestors against the police.

Last night, a number of high-ranking army officers, including the General of the Army, were arrested by the secret police. The families of the highest-ranking officers in the navy were sequestered with the King in several of his provincial palaces, for their own protection. The families of several high ranking officers in the air force joined them, while others escaped the nets thrown by secret police and the air force bases they served on turned into armed camps.

Meanwhile, King Rinne ordered the Wash Board Battalion to disperse the pro democracy mob in the capital. The Wash Board Battalion is made up of soldiers picked from families with unquestionable loyalty to the monarchy, under the command by Joel Ward, himself a member of the royal family. Once more the fighting was fierce in the streets, but this time the police had an army unit of their own backing them up, along with air strikes by three jets. The Banjo Brigade was forced to fall back, west of the city, and the protestors were dispersed from the square. Colonel Samuelsson of the Banjo Brigade was wounded in the fighting and was taken to hospital in critical condition.

The Monarchy Falls! (2-1 Win in Game 6)

There was a warm breeze of change in Nashville, as the pro democracy movement fought back against cruel, stifling monarchy of King Rinne. Despite the arrests of high ranking officers of the army and taking the hostages of families of high ranking air force and naval officers, the military would be not be cowed. The navy was for the most part held in check by the hostages taken by the government. The army was briefly put in disarrays by the arrests of high-ranking officers, but the lower ranks took matters in their own hands and launched a counter attack against government forces that had taken over the main square in the capital. The counter-attack was bogged down by bad ice, but managed to dislodge the fanatical troops of the Wash Board Battalion. With the royalists driven from the city centre, protestors once more took over the streets and stood with rebel factions of the military in their triumph. From several air force bases that were turned into armed camps, against attacks from police and paramilitary units, air strikes were launched against the royal palace itself.

There are reports that King Rinne has fled the country, despite his many attempts to single-handedly save the monarchy from ruin. In the aftermath of the military coup, the General of the Army made the following statement to the media.

”What we have done, we have done for the protection of our citizens in this time of crisis and the future of democracy in our lands. The Hockey Tonk Fan came to us from his hockey republic of Go Canucks Go with his ideas of a free society and those ideas found a place in the hearts of our people. The military will appoint an interim government to restore order during these perilous times and within the year elections will be held to determine the next step in our path to becoming a beacon of democracy in the world.”

With the fall of the royal dynasty in Nashville and King Rinne forced into exile, the public square was set up once again for the Honky Tonk Fan to continue the series of concerts that had sparked the revolution.

This is the biggest party we’ve had all year!” shouted one ardent fan, wearing a Go Canucks Go jersey, while eating a tasty chicken wing. Nobody will ever forget this night in Nashville!”