The Kingdom of Eskeland is a massive, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by King Theodor I with an even hand, and notable for its museums and concert halls, punitive income tax rates, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, devout population of 1.343 billion Eskelians are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The enormous, socially-minded government prioritizes Education, with Welfare, Law & Order, and Environment also on the agenda, while Defense and Spirituality are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Tidahamn. The average income tax rate is 72.7%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The very strong Eskelian economy, worth 106 trillion Sylts a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is quite specialized, is mostly made up of the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Beef-Based Agriculture, and Trout Farming. Average income is 79,013 Sylts, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Producers insist that movie stars wear crash helmets in every scene, elevator music has been replaced by thrash metal played at maximum volume, bands of adventurers rove the countryside searching for monsters, and cash-strapped junkies lick rabbits for a cheap high. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Eskeland's national animal is the Elk, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Heillenism.

Eskeland is ranked 31,799^th in the world and 10^th in Arkonos for Smartest Citizens, with 47.25 quips per hour.