The Corporate Haven of Canasius is a massive, cultured nation, ruled by Big Ape with a fair hand, and remarkable for its sprawling nuclear power plants, digital currency, and ubiquitous missile silos. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic, humorless population of 2.041 billion Canasiusians are effectively ruled by a group of massive corporations, who run for political office and provide their well-off citizens with world-class goods and services. Their poorer citizens, however, are mostly starving to death while being urged to go out and get real jobs. The populace has reasonably extensive civil rights, although these are mostly aimed at allowing them to buy whatever they like.

The tiny, corrupt, pro-business, outspoken government is primarily concerned with Defense, although Industry, Education, and Law & Order are also considered important, while Environment and Welfare receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Libtardtopia. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 5.4%.

The frighteningly efficient Canasiusian economy, worth 427 trillion Crypto-cannabis a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Retail industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, and Uranium Mining. Average income is an amazing 209,311 Crypto-cannabis, but there is an enormous disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 1,252,502 per year while the poor average 15,897, a ratio of 78.8 to 1.

The nation's politicians are known more for the internet memes they spawn than any of their accomplishments, the judicial branch is strongly influenced by major corporations, election results are often delayed for weeks to count the expat votes, and tabloids coo over Big Ape's expected child. Crime is almost non-existent. Canasius's national animal is the Tax Collector, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Free Markets.

Canasius is ranked 14,503^rd in the world and 31^st in Lands End for Smartest Citizens, with 75.73 quips per hour.